1) Be on time less.
No one wants to be the first person at a party, standing in the kitchen by themselves tempted by all the hors d’oeuvres. Bad things happen when it’s just me and a lonely bowl of guac.
2) Have a cleaner house without actually increasing the amount I do personally.
This is my one wild and precious life and I don’t want to spend it cleaning up tiny little pieces of plastic. Everyone is pitching in this year and the 14-month old is included, lest I get all Marie Kondo up in here and minimize this house to within an inch of its life. Because nothing “sparks joy” if it’s strewn all over the floor.
3) Embrace the cold and stop complaining.
Maybe I just have to “thicken up my blood” (as was once advised to me by a Chicago-area Uber driver who drove us around with the windows rolled down on New Years’ Eve in sub-zero temps). Look at the cows. Those mammals aren’t complaining and they aren’t even wearing warm Patagonia vests (I don’t have a Patagonia vest, I’ve just noticed that once obtained, they become permanently attached to people’s bodies).
4) Not lose weight in the places that count.
As the great Meghan Trainor reminds us, boys like a little more booty to hold at night. Let’s not overdo it.
5) Bake more stuff.
This is a win win win. House gets toasty from the oven, kitchen smells nice, people like eating sugar. And it helps you with resolution #4.
6) Sleep in more.
Here’s what happens when I set my alarm and wake up early: I feel cranky and unsettled and curse my life for the rest of the day. But when I hit snooze and keep sleeping until the kids wake up? GLORY. Sleep is life.
7) Help other people with their resolutions.
We should be kind to each other because each person we see could be fighting a Paleo/Whole 30 battle we know nothing about. That friend may not have had a croissant in weeks. We all know that our friend is radiant and should probably be referred back to resolution #4 but this is her life and I will defend to the death her right to refuse carbs.
8) Spend less money at Target.
I’m sure Target will do just fine in 2018 without me throwing my money at their home goods section and burrowing in the clearance aisles. So if you pass a weirdo sprinting past Chip and Joanna’s “Hearth and Hand” area with her head down and her eyes covered, that will be me. I’m sure they make a lovely product, but I just cannot right now. (Side note: do you think that with Baby Gaines #5 on the way they will do a kids’ line?! Gahhh.)
9) Resist getting an Insta-Pot.
Instant Pot? Insta-Pot? Am I saying it right? All you crazed pressure cooker lovers just leave us alone. I need another kitchen appliance like I need another hole in my head… even if it is an amazing gadget that can produce a tender roast in 60 minutes flat (your spiels are not lost on me). Something about heating something in a crock pot just gives me a warm, cozy feeling and I love the lingering smell of pork tacos in the air. Plus, who doesn’t love cleaning out a crock pot… Maybe it’s a nostalgia thing?
10) Read more.
No New Year’s resolution list would be complete without the intention to take in more literature. In the time I’ve spent refreshing that one website waiting for that one thing to go on sale, I could have read War and Peace. Luckily I have well-read friends who are always consuming amazing things and I know I can turn to them for ideas. If you’re reading this, shoot me the best thing you read recently!
And cheers to an amazing New Year. May you be well-rested, may your things spark joy, and may you be fashionably late.