Setting your alarm early to “work out” tired
HA. What were you thinking setting an alarm at this ungodly hour? That you are the highschool friend who wakes up at 4 am to train for triathlons while pushing twins in her double Bob? You are not that person. You are tired.
The mid-morning tired
Apparently the first cup just didn’t take because now it’s 10:15 am and you’re ready for naps. Who else is ready for naps? Just you, sister. Just you. Better head to Target and let the glare of those fluorescent lights jolt you back to life.
The newborn phase tired
Maybe the most tired of them all. Like, what is time anymore? What does an hour mean? What meal am I eating? Whose baby is this?
The 3 pm tired
It’s 3 pm. You know what happens at 3 pm? You get tired. You desperately need more coffee but then you would be too wired to embrace your strict 9:00 pm bedtime (BECAUSE TIRED).
About to close your eyes for a much-anticipated afternoon nap when you hear your child wake up from their nap
Why in the world did you allow yourself to spend the last eighteen minutes falling down the Instagram rabbit hole? Now you are paying for it. By feeling the most tired you have in your whole life. (But thanks to Instagram at least now you know where all your friends are vacationing. They look so well-rested and not at all tired.)
Just put the kids down for bed tired
Watch a show? Have a conversation? Hold eye contact? You can barely. If someone needs you, you’ll be lying prostrate in the middle of your toy-strewn living room. You are just too tired.
At a party past your bedtime tired
This is so embarrassing. You love parties! You love people. You are straight-up party people. Yet here you are yawning your way through this party and it’s only 9:28 pm. Whatever, man. You’re not twenty-two anymore. You’re tired.
The morning-after-the-party tired
This is what you get for trying to be cool and go to parties and have a good time. No one gave your kids the memo that you were out late and here they are showing up early for the morning shift. Good thing they’re so cute. One day you might look back on this time and miss these early mornings, but for today you’re just going to say that you’re counting down the days until you aren’t so &$*% tired.